what happen to fun in baby making

that seems to be the big question for us. after talking the other night we have realised that we are both freaking out over trying to have a baby. just in different ways. to make matters worse his freaking out freaks me out which then makes his freaking out worse so of course i freak even more. we both agreed to try to relax more and not freak each other out. i think i really scared him when i said i was ready to give up. he took it as on us and i only meant getting pregnant. now that we are talking and more relaxed we have been able to at least get a few tries in this cycle. if this time doesn't work we will try again. now if we could both enjoy this that would makes things even better.

on the doggie front things are going well. they get along and are starting to play a bit more. now we just have to get gracie to stop chasing the cat back in the kitchen ever time she sets foot in the living room and we are good to go. tigger is the queen and is very put out that gracie is no longer scared of her. now we just need a kid to add to the mix to terrorize them all and we will be set

more updates

well this was a busy weekend. since my brother and sister in law are breaking up boyfrined and i offered to take one of their dogs. her name is gracie and she is a 5 year old sheltie. sweet dog who moved in on friday night. winnie bullied her on friday but mellowed out the rest of the weekend. they get along for the most part with occasional snaps and growls. the cat is still not sure about the new dog and has been in her secret hideout ( the basement) alot but is slowly warming up to the newest addition.
i finished my taxes yeah for refund!!
other than that things are not good on the baby front. there is nothing going on actually. i really want this and boyfriend is so not in to it. we are at a stalemate. there is no point in going to the doctor. he has no insurance and no interest. i am ready to give up. if you don't hear from me for a while i am just trying to figure out what is next for us and how i give up the thing i have wanted the most. don't worry leaving him is not an option i just need time to adjust.

updates

well sleeping has been better lately. i am still tired but i am not waking up during the night. we are still trying to get pregnant. i will talk to the doctor if i do not get pregnant this month and we will go from there. other than that i have a post swirling in my head that i am not sure if i should write. i will think about it and decide later. last but not least i need to get my taxes done. it is a pain this year with selling stock and buying a house. the refund will be good but i need help to make sure i get it right. i miss my simple easy taxes.

why can't i sleep

lately it seems i am really tired but then i don't sleep all night. is it the time change,the begining of spring, or all the stress in my life. i don't know i just want to fall asleep and not wake up for 8 hours. one good night that is all i want.

the good the bad and the ugly

the good was saturday. nephew's birthday was a blast. lots of pizza and kids and fun for all.
the bad was sunday. i took my dog for a walk. great exercise for us both. the last house before mine has the neighborhood horrible dog. barks all the time and gets loose and attcks cars and motorcycles. the dog was out and running around. i could not tell if it was loose or not so i freaked. by the time winnie and i got home we were both on edge. then boyfriend and i tried to wipe winnie's paws since they were muddy that did not go well. she freaked and tried to nip us and we got mad i (gulp)hit her and boyfriend locked her in her crate, i know bad parents. she finally forgave us today.
last the ugly or maybe the end of ugly. my sister in law is filing for divorce. my brother suffers from depression and is making everyone miserable and she can't take it anymore. i just hope she follows through this time. no more taking him back and him promising to change and doing it for a while then backsliding. i have been waiting for this to happen since the last time they split. once the dust settles everyone will be much happier.

temps are rising

it will be warm this weekend. i am so excited. my nephew's birthday and warm weather for the weekend makes me happy. i can't wait!!

SORRY I HAVE BEEN MISSING

after that lovely funeral on tuesday. i have been working and going to another funeral. saturday i had to go to the funeral of the owner of the company i work for. so much fun. nothing like going to a viewing out of respect for his son who has been running the company for years and his wife. only to have management make you feel like they were checking you off a list of those who showed. i expected people to see me there but blatently saying oh look **** showed up as you walk in the door is annoying, rude, and childish.